Friday, January 11, 2008

And then...

Contrary to our usual tone here at "Go Into the Ham", today's entry is about mom being anti-crazy, which is crazy enough in itself to warrant a mention or two. So following the recent unpleasant e-mail exchange (see "I'm going to be 65!!!!!!!!!!" below), I got nothing back from her. And then came my birthday. She behaved. Following the celebration of the big 2-8, I got this e-mail from her:

"Hi!" (always with the exclamation point)

"I had a great visit tonight. I am also going through a long tough transition that started about the time your Dad decided to retire and your sister divorced. I am also trying to learn what my feelings are, what I want and how to express myself clearly, forcefully, but as diplomatically as possible (The latter is a real challenge for me.). Often, I either don't trust myself not to just blast someone when I express my feelings or it takes me three days to figure out what they are and what caused them. Often, I just end up letting them fester. I am going to make a conscious effort to journal more. Meditation has helped, but Jazzercise seems to be easier for me. I am also trying very hard to express my feelings, even if I'm not always coherent or diplomatic."

Scarily to the point and self-aware. What does this mean?



1 comment:

lexylou said...

Moments of lucidity are the worst. They lull you into a feeling of safety, so that when the next attack comes, which it inevitably will, you just feel that much more betrayed.

Or hell, maybe she's finally turned a corner and is about the turn into a human. One can always hope.